It's Alive It's ALIVE

Hello Friends,

I'm sorry it has been such a long time since my last blog. I haven't felt well, have been dealing with a lung infection, etc., and really haven't felt at all creative. When you have Fibromyalgia, you just do the basic things to keep you going. That is particularly so when you aren't feeling well. You just don't have any energy for extras.

Other than my not feeling well, it has been a good week and a half! I have been busy, too, with working, various appointments and such. One nice thing, the lovelife has returned. I had a feeling it would, though, just in case, I was prepared for the event that it wouldn't. Picture me with a big smile.

This past Saturday I had to take Roscoe (my guinea pig) to the vet to check out a growth on his eyeball, and it was time for his 6-month check-up. I was worried about him. The vet numbed his eyeball and took a sample to be sent out to a cytology lab. Luckily, the vet called today to say it was just fat and isn't anything to worry about. He has to lose some weight (he's on a diet) and she thinks that as he does lose weight the fat on his eyeball will go away, too. Roscoe is very unhappy about the diet and peed in his pellets bowl twice yesterday because he wanted to eat something like a cherry tomato instead. That made the vet laugh! (He accidentally pees in his pellets maybe once a year, so I know it was intentional.)

I've been exercising the best I can with not being able to breathe. I missed a whole week of exercise, and was only able to do a small bit of yoga. I'm back at it today, with my trainer's help, and got in a full workout.

Tonight I went to the theater and saw "State of Play," the new Russell Crowe, et al., flick. I was pleased with the film and the mystery in the plot. I enjoyed myself immensely and would give it an A-. (My A's and A+'s are reserved for the best of the best.) If you like to be on the edge of your seat and involved in the nature of a plot, this is a good movie for you to see. Also, there wasn't a lot of graphic violence or language, and no sex or nudity, if that is important to you.

I went to Temple Sunday before last. The dharma talk was about how everything is impermanent and transitory, like the blossoms on the cherry trees, and the seasons. Our priest was speaking from his home temple in Japan (we see him on a big-screen TV with the help of Skype-it's quite amazing!). He spoke about some of the things he's seeing in Japan that remind him of the transitory, impermanent nature of life, like the white swans flying to their summer home in Siberia. He also talked about how this transitory, impermanent nature of life is natural and that we need to be natural with it, realizing it is the true nature of existence. I got an idea for a haiku and started taking notes during the dharma talk. (Bad Buddhist!)

Seasons of life change
Swans fly to Siberia
It's just natural

The natural, transitory and impermanent nature of life could fuel hundreds of haikus. Of course, for you Christians, and fans of The Byrds (and the song Turn Turn Turn), you may be thinking of the scripture in Ecclesiastes, which says that for everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven. Since I don't have a Bible handy, I'm paraphrasing, but you undoubtedly know to what I am referring. I don't know if every religion or philosphy addresses this naturalness of impermanence, but I'll bet most do. It is a fundamental reality. It is such a simple concept, but it is so deep and powerful at the same time. It is the basis of so much truth and not accepting this truth causes soooooo much suffering! We try sooooo hard to hold on to things that cannot possibly be permanent, things that are, by their very nature, transitory and impermanent. We have so many unhealthy attachments. Here is a quote from the Diamond Sutra.

By detachment from appearances, abide in Real Truth.
So I tell you, thus shall you think of all this fleeting world,
A star at dawn, a bubble in a stream;
A flash of lightning in a summer cloud,
A flickering lamp, a phantom, a dream.

So now I leave you to dream my dreams of this night...

In gassho,
Jun-ri

Started Training for a 5k!!!

Hello Buddies,

On Monday, I started training for a 5k that I will run on May 10. It's a short time away, for training, but since the event is not timed and is a run/walk event, it is okay. I am excited! There are three events in May and June that I am thinking of running/jogging/walking. I used to run a looooooong time ago, and am excited about getting into it again. I want to be able to run (slowly/jog) a 10k in September before my trip in October. I'd like to be my goal weight by then, as well, but I seem to be losing weight slower than necessary to do that. It will be okay either way.

I really need to buy some good running shoes. I'm torn about that. I have some good vegan athletic shoes, but they wouldn't be the best "running shoes." I haven't found any vegan ones. That bums me out. If any of you know of some good quality running shoes that are vegan, let me know! Please! I need some that would be supportive and comfortable for running miles and miles.

As for a haiku, hmmm, I'm not certain what I want to write about! It has been snowing off and on since yesterday afternoon and has been colder than it had been the last couple of weeks. I hope tomorrow is nice; I'm going to the hot springs with my friend, Melodi. The sunburn I got last time I went, about 2 1/2 weeks ago, has healed. I'm ready for another trip! I'm still not thinking of a haiku topic. Maybe tomorrow.

The quote for yesterday, in my favorite book, is from Matthew Bortolin in The Dharma of Star Wars.

The only way to balance within one's self and peace in the world is to face the dark side with openness and courage - and to come to terms with the truth of reality as it is.

That one was too good to pass up on passing along to you. It goes so well with my most recent post on my Awareness Village Blog on satya, or truthfulness. The following paragraph and quote is from that blog and says all I really need to say about this quote.

I believe, most importantly, satya applies to your relationship with yourself. Everything, satya included, starts with you, moving from our inside world to the outside world. When you are honest with yourself, you remove delusion and the filters through which you see your own behavior and your world. Sometimes it isn't easy to be honest with ourselves. We have had years of practicing habits, patterns of perception, and beliefs which work together to color our understanding of ourselves at any given moment. These are our filters. By practicing satya, we, over time, eliminate our filters and increase actions which arise from the truth in our relationships with ourselves and others. We act from a place of truth, not from a place of the fears and assumptions we learned through using our filters. Then we can think, speak and act from truth and in accordance with our highest goals and beliefs. When we consistently practice satya, we have no reason to fear our behavior and we have no regrets. In his book "Raja Yoga," Swami Kriyananda says it all.

An attitude of truthfulness means to try always to see things as they are, to accept the possibility that one may be mistaken in his most cherished opinions, to entertain no likes and dislikes that might prejudice his perception of reality as it is.

Today was a bit of a stressful day just because it was "tax day." But I was able to get my extension filed this morning and go on with my day. I don't know why I felt stressed, but I did. I'm over that, though, and now and I'm just tired.

Since I need some rest, I'm going to meditate for a bit, knit for a bit, read for a bit, then sleep for a much longer bit.

Many blessings to all of you,
Jun-ri

P.S. The animals still need some help. Won't you help me meet my donation goal? Thanks!

'Tis the Season

Hello Loved Ones,

First of all, I want to say "Happy Easter" to all of you who have sent me Easter wishes. My best wishes of the season to all of you!

The Easter/Spring season is one of new life and renewal of life and new energy all around! I love Spring! Here in Tahoe, the snow melts leaving damp ground that smells so fertile, giving way to a verdant smell when the plants peek through the top of the soil. Thus, today's haiku.

Stalks break through the soil
Shell cracks open chick peeks out
New life new season

The seed is to the flower as the heart/mind is to the human being. The seed, like the heart/mind, has such great potential. While I am a Buddhist, I grew up in a Christian environment. I remember a quote, that I think is from the Bible, that reminds me of the Spring season and "Spring fever." "Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind." We have that opportunity every day of our lives, but we seldom take it until something happens in nature or in our life and we take to "Spring cleaning." At those times we want everything to be clean and fresh and new. We need to remember that our mind is ready for renewing at any time, and to remember what Buddha said, "We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves. "

So, take every opportunity to keep your mind as pure, fresh and new as a Spring breeze, and reap the joy of renewal!

With love and hugs,
Jun-ri

Opening a Book of Quotes

Hello Friends,

Sorry to have missed you the last few days. I was working on a project, then yesterday and today I've had a migraine. It is gone for the most part. YAY! I got a massage today and I'm sure that helped. I had to be careful of the intensity while exercising today, but I managed to get in 45 minutes on my Gazelle glider and a half hour of strength training. It aggravated the headache a little bit, but I'm living with it. I wasn't able to exercise at all yesterday and I missed it. I haven't tracked my food since last week. I've been "good," but really need to get back to the tracking. I feel like I'm starting to loosen up, which I don't want to do.

I have soooo many books of quotes, Buddhist, yoga, Al-Anon recovery, spiritual, etc. etc. Most of them have dates in them and you can choose the quote/meditation of the day. I usually read the day's quote, but often like to just open up the book blindly and see what I fall upon. I did both today, so I'm going to tell you about both, because they are actually quite connected, in my mind anyway. The first one is from Liv Jensen in "Bad Dog!"

Within the structure of every conformity, every confinement and restraint, dwells the heart of the runaway. It is a being spare, swift, original. It speaks words of its own telling, sings songs of its own heart's consent, runs unhindered in fields of its own choosing. It is an unimpaired body and an irrepressible freedom. And it refuses to be forgotten.

The second is from Dharmarakshita in "Mind Training."

With whom shall I battle, for I am my own enemy? Who will save whom, for I am my own savior? I am my own witness, for my actions and inactions.

Both of these quotes speak to me, strongly, to my independent spirit. I am unlike anyone else and I am proud of who I am! I admit that I have often done things the difficult way, and done things that would make many people tremble. I have taken many risks, 95% of which were well-planned, like moving to Lake Tahoe from Tempe, Arizona. But, as a human race we wouldn't have made any progress in this world without people who weren't afraid to step into the fire and take risks. And wouldn't life be boring if everyone conformed to all the rules of society, staying inside society's (or their family's, church's, peer group's, etc. etc.) safe, little box?

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with the rules of society, family, church, peer group, etc. There needs to be balance between conforming and not conforming. That's where the second quote comes in. People have to realize the consequences of their actions, and to realize we are responsible for only our own actions. Many people get caught up in trying to be other's saviors. I've done it myself. There is no sense in trying to "fix" anyone but ourselves, not that anyone needs to be "fixed." We are perfect just the way we are, warts and all.

There is great freedom in the fact that "I am my own witness, for my actions and inactions." But when we talk about "inactions" we are really talking about a great deal of overlooked responsibility. We most often talk about what we do. But, how about what we don't do? Is there something we could do to make our lives better? (like getting healthy or refusing to lie to yourself about a pertinent issue in your life) Or other's lives, while preserving their independent spirits by not expecting anything in return? (it could be as simple as offering a friend a ride when she is sick or as complex as organizing the neighborhood with Easter dinner for the homeless people in the park down the street) Doing things for others is a less obvious way, to some, that we can be our own saviors. I have organized a knitting group at my yoga studio and am offering patterns to those who want to knit for charitable organizations. My first project will be to knit a blanket for a shelter animal. Then maybe a hat for a preemie. What can you do?

I have been my own savior when I've taken risks, and have been my own enemy, mostly due to those pesky inactions. These quotes have many different, and deeper, levels of meaning. This is just what I've thought up at this particular time, without much thinking. These are great quotes that merit further consideration and reflection.

About a month ago I bought a beautiful bouquet of organic flowers and put them in a ceramic vase in the living room. I let them dry and they have retained their vibrant colors. They are the subject of today's haiku.

Pretty dried flowers
I've decided to save you
You still bring me joy

Not really a great haiku, but what do you expect from a girl with a shadow of a migraine? LOL

I'm off to meditate. With the headache yesterday I wasn't able to, but I think I can now.

Happy thinking to you all!

Jun-ri

Volunteering, Chocolate and Sex

Good Afternoon,

Did I get you with that headline???? Hmmm????? LOL

It's a beautiful day here in Tahoe. I am sitting at my kitchen table looking at the creek running outside. It is running very fast today! It is sunny, but a bit cooler than it has been the last couple of weeks. I even woke up in the middle of the night because I was cold and had to put on an extra blanket.

Things have been going pretty well today. I've gotten some "stuff" done and am on track with most of my projects of the day.

Here's a haiku.

Water rushes by
A cool breeze touches the earth
Sun shines on it all

I've had a craving for bread today. I seldom buy bread, so there isn't any in the house. I did have a small box of organic chocolate chip cookie mix, though. I've had the box for ages. It called for eggs, but I didn't have any, but had some egg replacer. I just whipped up the batch and they are in the oven now. I'm not sure what they'll taste like. Without the egg it didn't have quite the right consistency so I had to add some water. The box only made one dozen so if they taste okay, they won't completely kill my diet and if they suck it isn't much of a waste! LOL

I've found that minor indulgences in my cravings works best for me. If I say "no no no," it turns into "gimme gimme gimme." So, I have french fries and chips and salsa once a week. A Starbucks caramel macchiato can be had once a month. I usually work it into my plan and I always track it when I track my food. That way I control my cravings, rather than them controlling me.

I haven't meditated yet today, but plan to do it, and exercising, before dinner. I have an Al-Anon meeting to go to tonight, so I want to meditate beforehand. I like to be centered when I go. I don't need much help anymore (though sometimes I still do) but I want to be the best version of myself so I can be there for others who may need my help. It is a better way for me to serve others and works out well for me, too.

And how about that idea of helping others? I read an article in a magazine sometime in the last couple of days that said volunteering actually lights up the same areas of the brain, and sends endorphins (our feel-good chemicals) into our body, in the same places and ways that chocolate and sex do! WOW! That's pretty cool! I don't know if feeding the hungry can take the place of sex, for me......chocolate, maybe. When it comes to sex, I prefer to keep the hungry and homeless out of things. But, it's a great thing, nonetheless. So put on your volunteer hat and go get 'em!

Have a great day,
Jun-ri

I'm Back From My Weeked Trip

Hello Friends,

Let's start out with today's haiku. When I arrived at Spirit Rock Meditation Center, I immediately heard animals. They were wild turkeys, their feathers spread out wide. Gobblegobblegobble is how they actually sound. It should have been Thanksgiving! It was absolutely beautiful. Later that day, I went hiking in the forest and was blessed by the presence of lots of green moss in the shadows, wildflowers, including wild iris in the sun.

Path through green forest
Moss, animals, wildflowers
Blue sky, clouds above



I saw Ajahn Amaro speak. He was sooooo funny! I would consider him a Buddhist stand-up comedian! He talked about spring and the season for moving forward, new beginnings, being inspired about your goals, that type of thing. We did a few hours total of meditation, including some walking meditation, outside in the sun and cool, spring breeze. It was beautiful and just what I needed.

Ajahn Amaro had instructions for walking meditation. Basically, pick 25 or 30 yards of flat ground and go back and forth and not to choose a path that would cross anyone else's. Simple enough. I had two issues that affected my ability to get into a meditative state of mind. The first was that I had a difficult time not thinking about how far I had to get to the end of my path where I would turn around and anticipating getting there and turning around. That's not being mindful of the present, obviously, just of the future. The second one was that I was judgmental of others who were not following Ajahn's instructions. Outside the hall where we were listening to the talk, and where we were doing our walking meditation, is a large circular path with a big meadow in the center, with some other paths and nice, clear spots for walking in the area. One person, in particular was really getting under my skin. I chose a nice place at the bottom of the circular path, at a nice clearing. This woman chose to walk the circular path, instead of walking a straight path and turning around. When she approached the bottom of the circular path, on the edge of the clearing I was walking, she got in my way, every time, and I had to move for her! Someone not following instructions! AAAAAHHHH!!!! CLEARLY, I have some control issues. That's the thing about meditating, and especially when meditating with a group of others. Meditation puts all your issues right in front of your face where you can't deny them. Sometimes that's okay, sometimes it's just annoying! But, it's one reason I'm a Buddhist. I get to learn about myself and learn to be a better person over time.

Ajahn Amaro will be back on June 20 for a talk for the Summer season. I'll be there! I probably won't have my control issues solved before then, though. LOL

I stayed in a really nice hotel. (The Embassy Suites in San Rafael, California.) I didn't get back to the fitness room, but did get a chance to do some yoga and other exercises. I am so pleased with my increasing level of fitness, and am still excited about being on the elliptical for so long Friday night. Getting back into running is seeming like more of a reality every day. In fact, my trainer and I will be taking my cardio workouts outside starting next week. I'm looking forward to it!

Today I started a weekly blog on yoga philosophy, starting with the 8-limbed path. See the Awareness Village Blog noted on the right-hand sidebar of this blog. For those of you who don't know, Awareness Village Yoga and Meditation Center is my business, where I teach yoga and meditation. I hope you enjoy it!

I hope you are having a great evening and I will check in with you all tomorrow.

In gassho,
Jun-ri

P.S. April is Animal Cruelty Prevention Month. Please donate to the ASPCA by clicking on the banner below. Animal abusers need to be punished, to the fullest extent, in accordance with the law. Your donation will help the ASPCA arrest and punish abusers, and provide care for abused animals so they may be adopted out to loving homes.

Focus Pocus

So tonight I am sitting in an oversized bathrobe in an Embassy Suites hotel suite. It is a lovely suite and the bathrobe is huge! I rolled up the sleeves and am using them as a wrist rest while I type on my laptop. LOL I am wearing an ergonomic bathrobe! That's quite a selling point for Embassy Suites, don't you think?

Early this evening I had a great workout in the fitness room. I did 45 minutes on the elliptical trainer while watching a movie on TV, on a screen, ON the elliptical trainer! All I had to do was plug in my headphones. Every hotel should have Precor cardio equipment with the TV built in. This hotel has a recumbent bike, two treadmills and an elliptical. They also have a good amount of strength training equipment in the gym and free fitness videos on the TV! What a great hotel for travel. I'm telling everyone I know.

One really great thing about my 45 minutes on the elliptical is that it wasn't brutal for me! I was very sweaty and had a good heart rate reading on my monitor, working out in my zone, but I didn't feel like I was going to die. I felt great! The last time I was on one about seven years ago, I couldn't stay on more than 15 minutes. I am very pleased with my progress since December. I would have never hoped to be comfortable on the elliptical. (Picture me jumping up and down with glee...)

Shunryu Suzuki in Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind says "When you practice zazen, just practice zazen."

I am usually good at doing only one thing at a time, but today was a multi-tasking day and did I have issues! I was in way too big a hurry to start with. It was my goal to get to my hotel by 3:00 in the afternoon, which means I would have had to leave by 11:30 or noon. I left at 1:45. I did not prepare well yesterday and was in a big hurry to get everything packed and to get myself on the road. So, how did this impact (i.e. impair) my ability to be calm and effective? I packed too much stuff, I aimed for my pocket with my extra key for the petsitter and drove away with the key having fallen on the living room floor (I had to go back home, wasting precious time to find the key and drive it to the petsitter's office), I didn't get my lunch packed correctly for tomorrow's retreat because all I got at the store was fruit for the monks (a donation), I forgot my mp3 and cell phone chargers, and that's all I know so far. But the WORST part was that I was so frazzled I had breathing problems and my heart was beating out of control.

This was not necessary. All I had to do was think one thing at a time.

Normally when I go somewhere I make a list and check things off, packing 3 or 4 days in advance. (Granted, I did this on a 2 day notice, but still - 2 DAYS! I had time.)

But the issue is more than just being prepared. When we do only one thing at a time, we are focused on that one thing. Then we can usually do it well and be more productive. Ultimately, we get more done. This is something I have to remember. Why? Mindfulness.

When we do one thing at a time, we can choose to do it mindfully. I've found the best way to learn to be mindful is to meditate. After 32 years my mind still wanders; that's its job. But I have the power to choose to refocus on the task at hand, in meditation or out in the world.

(One note: When Suzuki makes this comment, he isn't actually talking about mindfulness, he is talking about pure practice in the context of right effort. Which is another great topic for a different day. But, when I read that passage today, I thought of mindfulness, probably because it was the lesson I needed today.)

I am looking forward to tomorrow's daylong meditation retreat with Ajahn Amaro at Spirit Rock Meditation Center. I'm sure I'll get a whole lotta mindfulness!

In gassho,
Jun-ri

P.S. Thanks so much to all of you who read my last post and let me know I am loved. I love you, too!

Dazed and Confused

Yeah, well, I'm dazed and confused. Yesterday, I was more dazed. Today, I'm more confused.

Yesterday, my lovelife went to hell in a handbasket, politely, respectfully and gently, but still to hell in a handbasket. Thus, I'm dazed and confused. Then there is the sad and disappointed aspect... It is natural that I am feeling a sense of loss. We'll still be friends. He's a very good man and we have a nice friendship. Luckily, I've done a great deal of learning about how to take care of myself. I'll be going away for a few days. I'll take my laptop with me and probably do a bunch of writing. That seems to help me deal with life when life isn't doing what I want it to do. I will bury myself into writing work until I can't write any more and then I'll know I have a better perspective. I will probably go to a meditation retreat center that is nearby. Tomorrow I can set up the petsitter to take care of Roscoe.

I am concentrating on remembering how much love I have in my life. When I think of this, I think of the following quote by John Bulwer: "It is astonishing how little one feels alone when one loves." Soon, the lonely feelings will fade.

For now, I feel an empty hole where my solar plexus is supposed to be. Naturally, today's haiku is going to reflect that. But also, it is about spring and new beginnings. In loneliness there is hope. In hope, there is faith that things can be okay and that everything renews itself. Sunflowers are my favorite flower.

Golden sunflower
Growing tall face toward sun
Bold, bright, strong and free

I will continue to meditate daily and take great comfort in Bhante Henepola Gunaratana's words in Mindfulness in Plain English. "The you that goes in one side of the meditation experience is not the same you that comes out the other side." That observation has been a staple of my life for 32 years, now. No matter what I feel in my mind, body or spirit when I sit on the cushion, I am different when I get off the cushion. Today I am taking great comfort in that fact.

Blessings on your journey,
Jun-ri