Reality is like a face reflected in a blade of a knife; its properties depend on the angle from which we view it. - Master Hsing Yun, in Describing the Indescribable
Yes, Yes, Yes!!! We all know that we experience life based on the filter through which we look at things. Meditation helps me see the filters I use and choose to see my life through a different filter, the filter of a truer reality.
I can't tell you how well that quote fits my life today. (It's still Sunday for me.) I'm not sure what to think about this day. It was so very strange.
I was very, very happy today to buy size 16 pants, not 16W, size 16 period. I bought 2 pairs of jeans, and a few other things, all on sale, to hold me until I get to a 14. I was ecstatic!!! I haven't bought clothes in the "normal girls" department in years. But fifteen minutes after I left the store, I got an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. On my way home I was unable to stave off the tears. I started balling uncontrollably. I haven't been sad for months!!! That just isn't how I am. I am normally so happy, peaceful and serene.
I remember hearing that as you lose weight, you sometimes process the emotions you were feeling at the time you were that weight. I remember the last time I felt this loneliness feeling. It was January 1, 2000, and, yes, I was the same size I am now. It was one of the worst days of my life. I won't go into what happened, it is ancient history and I don't want to dredge it up. My heart hurts. I actually feel the physical pain in my chest I felt on that day. But I can't let myself go backward. I have to now work through that pain so it will no longer take up space in my mind and heart. I am looking forward to the feelings of joy I felt when I was smaller! And I'm going to get to a size 14 as quickly as I can! LOL
To help me process these feelings, here is today's haiku.
Lone tree in the field
Animals its only friends
Standing in the sun
I don't want to make this blog post depressing! I hit a milestone and this loneliness feeling is not an obstacle! I didn't have hope and faith on January 1, 2000. I DO now and I know that with the support of my friends I will work through this and my heart won't hurt for very long.
Thanks, my friends, for being here for me! And may your hearts never hurt. I'm off to meditate...
In love and friendship,
Jun-ri
Yes, Yes, Yes!!! We all know that we experience life based on the filter through which we look at things. Meditation helps me see the filters I use and choose to see my life through a different filter, the filter of a truer reality.
I can't tell you how well that quote fits my life today. (It's still Sunday for me.) I'm not sure what to think about this day. It was so very strange.
I was very, very happy today to buy size 16 pants, not 16W, size 16 period. I bought 2 pairs of jeans, and a few other things, all on sale, to hold me until I get to a 14. I was ecstatic!!! I haven't bought clothes in the "normal girls" department in years. But fifteen minutes after I left the store, I got an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. On my way home I was unable to stave off the tears. I started balling uncontrollably. I haven't been sad for months!!! That just isn't how I am. I am normally so happy, peaceful and serene.
I remember hearing that as you lose weight, you sometimes process the emotions you were feeling at the time you were that weight. I remember the last time I felt this loneliness feeling. It was January 1, 2000, and, yes, I was the same size I am now. It was one of the worst days of my life. I won't go into what happened, it is ancient history and I don't want to dredge it up. My heart hurts. I actually feel the physical pain in my chest I felt on that day. But I can't let myself go backward. I have to now work through that pain so it will no longer take up space in my mind and heart. I am looking forward to the feelings of joy I felt when I was smaller! And I'm going to get to a size 14 as quickly as I can! LOL
To help me process these feelings, here is today's haiku.
Lone tree in the field
Animals its only friends
Standing in the sun
I don't want to make this blog post depressing! I hit a milestone and this loneliness feeling is not an obstacle! I didn't have hope and faith on January 1, 2000. I DO now and I know that with the support of my friends I will work through this and my heart won't hurt for very long.
Thanks, my friends, for being here for me! And may your hearts never hurt. I'm off to meditate...
In love and friendship,
Jun-ri
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